Just for the record … the medical term for injecting disinfectants into the body is called “embalming”.
HELLO, FIRST TIME CALLER, LONG TIME LISTENER, OCCASIONAL MURDERER.
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WTF VAMPIRE BATS WILL VOMIT BLOOD INTO MOUTHS OF SICK BATS 2 KEEP THEM ALIVE THATS DOPE AF & STILL A BETTER LOVESTORY THAN TWILIGHT
Has anyone mastered the art of nonchalantly walking past a policeman?
So what do you pack for the end of the world? I’m thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper.
First time your kid gets a bday party invite: Awww!
Second time: Oh, another one?
Third time: MAKE ANY MORE FRIENDS AND YOU’RE GROUNDED.
*coworker walks into bathroom, triggering the motion sensor that turns the lights on*
ME: [from one of the stalls] Welcome.
One of life’s great pleasures is to watch two idiots agree on something and then hear one of them say “Great minds think alike”.
My son just demanded to be changed into different pajamas for breakfast.
Thanks, royal baby.
Dad: listen to me son: don’t ever let anyone tell you what to do
Dad: *slams fist* WHAT DID I JUST SAY