During A$AP Rocky’s hearing today in Sweden he was asked if he goes by any nicknames.
His response: “Yes, Rocky, A$AP Rocky, pretty motherf*cker”
hello I cannot come to work today I’m thinking about sad ghost pigeons slowly sinking down through the statues they loved to sit on in life.
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If I get killed, would you make my chalk outline slimmer? Thanks.
Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer.
HR: Did you tell Brenda she was stupid?
Me: Oh god no! I said she is stupid.
Me: There’s no past tense with that one.
What Geico said: We just saved you 15% on your car insurance.
What I heard: You should go shopping.
Dungeons and Dragons is popular because it appeals to the human fantasy of having a group of friends who can come over at a regular time
How my 7 year old plays board games:
Rolls a 6.
Counts to 6.
Moves his piece wherever he wants.
A xenophobe eh? I’m scared of the warrior princess too but I wouldn’t call it a phobia.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn’t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
Server: Congratulations, ma’am
Wife: *confused* Er, thank you. Why?
S: Your husband said you’re eating for two
M: Oh she’s not pregnant
W: I despise you