Bandanas are back in style, it only took a worldwide pandemic.
– Hello, princess. Can I call you princess?
– OK then, Mr. Smith, let’s just get started with your prostate exam.
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My brother called to tell me specifically that his Zoom party really took off after he told everyone the story of the one time I took a chance & overcame my shyness & went to buy a guy at a club a drink at but it turned out the guy was a mannequin & part of the décor.
3 (calls out): daddy I’m cleaning the floor with a mob.
Me: you mean a mop? (enters to see 100 people licking the floor) no ok that’s a mob
Toddler: happy birthday daddy!
Me: aw thanks buddy!
Toddler: it’s my birthday too?
Me: no your birthday is in December.
Toddler: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY TOO!
Toddler: TELL ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Toddler: SAY IT!
Me: happy birthday?
Toddler: thanks daddy!
“Update Adobe or we’ll kill you”-flash mob
What’s the dumbest thing you bought when you were drunk?
I spent $30 on fish food and I don’t have a fish
Seriously you guys, the only reason to check Facebook, is to find out where people are going, and then go somewhere else.
presidents day is just a holiday created by “Big President” to get us to buy more presidents
Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?
A Harvard professor says I should only eat six French fries per serving. When I have PMS I can easily eat six Harvard professors in one sitting though.