Before you do that- think, Would an idiot do that?
Then, don’t do that.
help keep the English language alive by teaching your kids nearly outdated expressions
Plus nothing beats a 5yo pointing & yelling “BEHOLD!”
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So Nicolas Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar and the bartender says “hey, why the wrong face?”
Sure you say you don’t want to be a parent but do you really want to risk missing the opportunity to say “take your feet out of the popcorn child!”
Sexy lingerie is for single folks… cause when you married, and you gotta fold that shit, it loses all of its appeal… I’m over here struggling, makin a buncha thong balls… these joints is harder to fold than a fitted sheet… #SaturdayMorning
mr. miyagi: sweep the leg, daniel-san
daniel-san: do i have to, sensei?
mr. miyagi: *sucks the meat off a chicken thigh, chucks it on the floor* yep. then wax my cars again, nerd
Who decided to call it “Emotional Baggage” and not “Griefcase”?
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Me: Can you tell the girl in the white dress I think she’s hot?
Priest: Absolutely not
Salad is by far the lamest type of bar.
doctor: im afraid we’re going to have to amputate a leg
flamingo: i’ll manage
snake: i have a question