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@jerrymyers1982: Her: Do you kik?
Me: Like rocks?
@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 year old was awake on the couch at 6 am and said "I always wake up at this time, Daddy" and I felt like I was in a horror movie trailer
@MadGamer79: Take your ex out tonight (one bullet oughtta do it)
@GrantTanaka: my neighbor just stormed out of his house yelling “WHY THE FUCK DO I BOTHER” and I yelled back BECAUSE U HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS and he responded “OH RIGHT, THANKS BRO” and went back into his house
@_Kim_Jongun: I'm not a god.
I'm a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way.
There's a difference.
@amydillon: 85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the "she" in her story is.