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@jerrymyers1982: Her: Do you kik?
Me: Like rocks?
@UnFitz: [first date]
Her: So what do you do?
Him: I'm a scientist.
Her: Cool. What kind?
Him: Mad. *electrical storm begins outside*
@Pork_Chop_Hair: John Lennon: Here I stand head in hand, Turn my face to the wall—
Me: um, it’s fine if you just count to 20 while we hide
@JohnMCochran: i want a reality show that's just footage of the losers' car ride home after family feud
@MariyaAlexander: [trying to make friends as an adult]
May I interest you in tolerating me for a moment
@AnOrangeSNES: In 8th grade I had to take care of an egg to teach me responsibility. That egg hatched, and I raised the chicken as my own. He was delicious