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@_steamy_mac: Her: Don’t make this weird.
Me: I don’t know any other way to do things.
@jazmasta: Nature fact: The female cat gives birth to the body and head of her kittens separately and has to screw the head in like a lightbulb.
@inanimatecorpse: The bit in Snow White when Grumpy's like "put her in a glass coffin so we can see her decompose"
And Doc's like
"Man! You're getting worse!"
@JohnLyonTweets: To pay a bill, press 1. To awaken ravenous tentacled horrors that slumber in the void between worlds, press 2. To hear your balance press 3.
@outsmartedmommy: The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest.
@alispagnola: I just literally fell INSIDE a public toilet because I did too many squats earlier and couldn’t control my sitting down. This is the greatest proof I've ever had that fitness is not worth the struggle.