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@_steamy_mac: Her: Don’t make this weird.
Me: I don’t know any other way to do things.
@Brentweets: Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day's specials or the entire restaurant explodes.
@perfumegenius: I can’t stop fantasizing about gently, lovingly braiding a squid
@1niitro: The Simpsons need to have an episode where Arsenal win the Champions League
@TheBoydP: "Go ahead caller"
Why radio DJ's should never work a suicide hotline...
@WarrenHolstein: Don't cut yourselves 'cause Justin smokes pot, Beliebers. Cut yourselves 'cause you listen to Justin Bieber. (And aim for a major artery.)