Guys that have a hard time meeting girls, have you tried painting some wings on the side of a building and waiting for them to come take pictures?
Her: Feed me!
Me: To what?
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[exotic fish store]
AMISH GUY: Yes, I’d like to buy an acoustic eel, please.
her: the manager of the McDonalds down the street called today…
him: [sitting on couch next to Ronald McDonald statue] Did he sound mad?
You’ve been promoted to customer
Wife: I’m hungry!
Me: I’ll order pizza
Wife: YOU THINK I’M FAT!
Me: *whispering* Has it been 28 days already?
Me: what what??
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
It’s a ball of gas and fire
It can’t hear you.
Me: Wow that is spicy. Wooo! *fanning mouth* What is it called?
Her: Sparkling water.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
Dentist: Do you grind your teeth?
Me: Yes, I have a child.