DC: Wonder Woman is too complex for a movie.
Marvel: We just made $100m on a movie featuring a talking raccoon and a walking tree. In space.
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My armpits smell like garlic bread.
Fortune teller: Your love life will–
Me: Never mind that. Will I ever have a tweet go viral?
Can I still watch 300 if I haven’t seen the first 299
Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain 😉
My ex is going through hard times during the current lockdown,
so I’ve sent her some food parcels using “Fed Ex”.
#lockdownUKnow #foodparcel #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
What was that movie where the guy shrunk his kids then told his wife about it
Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word
Me: yes i’ve heard that word many times
I don’t know who the pun editor of the NY Post is, but the headline PEACHES’ DEATH IS STILL FUZZY deserves a citation and/or beating.