@TheAndrewNadeau

her: have i been a bad girl?

me: *not great at dirty talk* yeah you’re a terrible person.

You Might Also Like

@XplodingUnicorn

Teenager: Bae swag YOLO

Me: In better times, people who spoke gibberish like that were burned as witches.

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: WHO DREW ON THE WALL?!

4-year-old:

2-year-old:

4-year-old:

2-year-old:

4-year-old: The dog.

@AmishPornStar1

Ice cream is clearly God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

@rogueMUGA

What idiot called him Alexander graham bell instead of lord of the rings

@JesKeepSwimming

Ladies, if a guy tells you “Leggings aren’t pants,” tell him “You’re welcome.”

@MrPhetz

Why did my ex gf Fav my tweet where I announced that I got laid off. Why did you do that sharon

@heatherlou_

If his selfie doesn’t make you kegal, you’re just not that into him.

@junejuly12

[My death bed]

*loved ones sobbing*

Me: Cheesecake. Not a slice ffs. The whole cheesecake. And no low-fat crap. Go! I don’t have all day.