You know you’re watching Star Wars with Catholics when every time you hear “May the Force be with you,” you hear, “And also with you.”
Her: Hey, what does this dress say to you?
Me: I’m not in the mood to listen to your clothes right now, I’m drinking!!
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ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late
See that sad girl up on the hill with tears ?
That’s not me..I’m the one over there running away from a goose with a corn dog in my hand.
I’m perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince…But I draw the line at kissing snakes.
Where there’s a will there’s an “OMG! What’s it say!? What does it say?”.
Mispronouncing words is kind of my forty
Just ordered Dominos while at Dominos because I need a ride home.
Happy Thanksgiving!!! (Penny wanted to dress up as a “Fancy Turkey”… Pls nobody tell her!!)
Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack.
Me: *Holding gun* I can’t tell who’s the real one. Tell me something only Gary would know
Gary 1: You have a fetish for-
*BLAM BLAM BLAM*
Me: Welp, that’s that. Let’s go, New Gary