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@ArfMeasures: Her: I don't even know what the cloning machine does
Me: Well that makes two of us
@MyPolishFace: Hahaha oh Harry Shearer, you're cautiously beloved.
@mama_babble: 8 yo: "Mommy, what did you want to be when you grew up?"
Me: "Not this tired."
@animaldrumss: [overhears guy saying economy is bad]
[later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad
@3sunzzz: Every time a plumber swears assume they're going to add $100 to your bill.
@justabloodygame: *scrawls note on deserted isle*
TRAPPED ON ISLAND! HELP ME!
*sends off in bottle*
*it returns, months later, with reply*
NEW BOTTLE WHO DIS?