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@ArfMeasures: Her: I don't even know what the cloning machine does
Me: Well that makes two of us
@philmann: Great. Only a single slice of bread left in the bag. That means until I find another slice, everything that happens today is in the sandwich
@Sassafrantz: Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
@Book_Krazy: It's all fun and games until a metal flask falls out of your car in the church parking lot.
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.
@smithsara79: [trying to make a new friend]
...so that's the worst thing that's ever happened to me, now you go