They irony of being hit by a Dodge.
Her: I like how you did your hair today. Me: OMG thank you, I passed out in my closet last night.
You Might Also Like
Logged out of Twitter for a few hours… Finally graduated college, lost some weight, showered, read 17 books, and started a family.
Me: You put the “cow” in “coworker”
Her: Excuse me??
Me: It’s a joke format.
Her: I’m telling HR..
Me: Ok but I doubt they’ll get it either.
“That’s close enough…”
No, of course I’m not mad.
*goes home, starts building a Death Star.
“God” not mentioned in Democratic platform means they don’t worship God. “Money” mentioned eleven times in Republican platform.
If I had a time machine I’d go back 10 years and tell myself “Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to.”
That moment you could pass as an Olympic speed walker because you are racing to the bathroom.
Me: Quick question: Did you ask me to help raise your baby, or help “braise” your baby?
Her: Are you grilling something out back? That smells delicious
Me: Please answer my question first
My kids are doing things in Minecraft that are likely serial killer warning signs.