My fridge just screamed “OH JESUS, WHAT NOW?” at me as I opened its door.
her: I love guys who know what they want
me: I want $100,000
her: but stay humble
me: I’ll never have $100,000
You Might Also Like
BULLFROG: look at all u lil toad nerds
TOAD: help! a BULLYfrog!
TEACHER SNAKE: i’ll handle this *eats everyone*
Pro tip: Wives do not find it hilarious when you add a bunch of extra candles to their surprise birthday cake.
I know this now.
“I see you’ve got one drop of pee left in you. It would be a shame if something were to… show everyone.”
– Khaki pants
LMFAO THE NAVY OUT THEIR DAMN MINDS
Hi, I’m a fruit fly that could live here undetected, but, no, I’m gonna fly in this lady’s face til she makes it her mission to destroy me.
If you’re ever attacked by a mob of angry clowns…
…go for the juggler.
This looks like a job for..
*I rip open my jacket*
Jacket Repair Man!
*I sew my jacket back together*
my mom is yelling at my stepdad over the difference between a pillow sham and a pillowcase and I tell you what if you get the opportunity to move in with your parents as an adult you should loads of fun highly recommend
If you’re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.