@StellaRtwot
Sometimes the last thing people hear before they’re murdered is the sound of their pen that they won’t stop clicking.
@2tacosandadrink
Her: I think I’m going to call it a night.
Me, looking out the window: Yea, I mean that’s what it’s called.
You Might Also Like
@StellaRtwot
@alexmeyerrr
A guy in my class stopped me today as I was walking out and said “I gotta show you this girl she’s your literal twin” and then showed me my own Instagram
@IntoxicaTweeted
Misunderstandings happen when one person is clearly stupid.
@ChipKellysBalls
If you look in the mirror & say “pumpkin spice latte” 3x a white suburban girl will appear & tell you everything she loves about the fall
@MissHavisham
At dinner my husband hollered, “I’m going to run off to a place where I’m appreciated!”
My daughter: Don’t take my Barbie backpack.
My son: Can someone pass the butter?
My mother: You married her.
@ClichedOut
doctor: i have bad news
me: uh oh
doctor: u have scoobyditis
me: *whispers* ruh roh
@fillthevacuum
*watches a house fall on you*
*steals your shoes*
@pittdave13
Brain: Don’t make this weird
Heart: Puts an excessive amount of ketchup on my tacos
@fjamie013
@0point5twins
If you see a girl crying, a nice thing to do is show your compassionate side and ask if it’s because of her haircut.