*you see a bear approaching you*
Quick play dead!
*bears comes running up*
Oh god! OH GOD! What’s happening!? Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?
Her: I want to travel the world in the new year
Me: I can see the whole universe in your eyes..
Her: I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD OKAY.
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There’s no way I’m the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world’s best Garfield impression.
The guy I just cut off thinks he’s gonna destroy my car with high beams.
Me: if a ghostbuster dies and becomes a ghost, do they have to bust themselves
Interviewer: that’s an excellent question about the job
They should just call the news “guess who was an idiot today.”
Everyone at my funeral gets a stun gun. The last person standing gets all my stuff.
No thanks, ads to buy more followers; I get them the old-fashioned way: by telling them they’re gonna die and I can save them.
I goofily dance over to my pals. Shit. These r strangers. Just… dance past them to my actual friends. Oh no. Help I need 2 find some1 I know
Let’s be honest: The documentary they were making before the Blair Witch killed them would have sucked