Anyway, I heard some “Norwegian black metal” today. Let’s just say there’s a reason no one ever built cities on it…
HER: I’ll only agree to do nudity if it’s done tastefully
PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows
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Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born…
Life is crazy…
Checks for abs
Finds an M&M
PROFESSOR: can anyone tell me the period in which dinosaurs went extinct?
STUDENT: uh the Jurassic?
STUDENT: *smug look*
PROFESSOR: *marking paper* I just finished my dumb answers bingo, it was the Cretaceous
Vin Diesel’s real first name is Vehicle Identification Number.
Me: I’ve been bad, I need to be punished
Her: *turns tv volume to an odd number*
Me: no please I forgot the safe word
In the car and passed by a cop and my 12 year old says “everyone be cool! Act normal!”nnnExpecting that Father of the Year award any day now
No thanks lady, I don’t need a tray
I’ll just use my four hands to carry all these coffee’s
I’m telling you to go to hell because I’m poor. If I was rich I would kill you.
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn’t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?