me: I forgot my line
movie director: I really regret bringing you on this fishing trip
her: i’m a night owl
me: i’m an early bird
my worm: oh no!
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Yea autocorrect….I wanna luck your puddy and flick you in the asks.
Medusa was the absolute worst when it came to objectifying people.
Do you smell smoke?
I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Just been doing some DIY using my stepladder. Not my real ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
him: *walking into the kitchen* don’t you feel guilty eating Nutella right out of the jar?
me: *licking the spoon* only if I can’t finish the jar
Me: I can’t carry this heavy suitcase.
Him: I’ve seen you carry in a dozen bags of groceries at once.
Me: That’s different, that’s food.