her: wanna come over
me: can’t I’m at an office party
her: ur self-employed
me: and having a great time
HER: I’m pansexual.
ME: Oh, cool.
*quietly nudges a cabinet door shut with my foot, hiding my pots and pans*
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Me: no thanks. I have a mirror.
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me: Tastes like hand sanitizer
wife: Did you just use hand sanitizer?
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