@sonictyrant

HER: let the turkey rest for a while before carving

ME: *turns off treadmill* take a break buddy

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@Jabba_Jabba_Jaw

You can insult anyone you want, as long as you end the sentence with “but in a good way”.

@YSylon

Am I the only one who whispers, “Get a job,” into the baby monitor?

@isabelzawtun

The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I’m 80

@thatcarlygirl

Learn to negotiate like my 5-year old. Instead of asking, “Can we please get a kitty?” he asked, “Are we getting a kitty today or tomorrow?”

@mom_ontherocks

Packing in my 20s: Toothbrush and bikini

Packing in my 30s: Those things plus a swim suit cover up, 3 face creams, hair products to cover up postpartum hair loss, spanks, sensible shoes, and denture cream.

@PinkCamoTO

I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song.

@mack44_d

This whole year with my family has given me whatever the opposite of Stockholm Syndrome is.