HER: let the turkey rest for a while before carving

ME: *turns off treadmill* take a break buddy

You Might Also Like


You can insult anyone you want, as long as you end the sentence with “but in a good way”.


Am I the only one who whispers, “Get a job,” into the baby monitor?


The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I’m 80


Learn to negotiate like my 5-year old. Instead of asking, “Can we please get a kitty?” he asked, “Are we getting a kitty today or tomorrow?”


Packing in my 20s: Toothbrush and bikini

Packing in my 30s: Those things plus a swim suit cover up, 3 face creams, hair products to cover up postpartum hair loss, spanks, sensible shoes, and denture cream.


I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song.


This whole year with my family has given me whatever the opposite of Stockholm Syndrome is.