I’ve finally convinced my parents to let me get their fruit & vege & my dad has now sent me this floor plan of the shop. Clearly I’m 44 & a total moron 🙂
Her: Let’s go shopping.
Me: In your dreams.
Her: The boutique has Wi-Fi.
Me: Why are we still here?
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Beyoncé: I cannot wait to slum it with some earth mortals at – wait what is it called again?
Runner: What’s your fastest race?
Me: Taking the trash out at night
Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Me: *buys anything at the store*
Wife: Was it on sale?
Wife: Did you use a coupon?
Wife: Did you use your discount card?
Wife: You’ve brought shame on us all.
*requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*
10: Mom, I know your secret; you’re a superhero
Me: I am?
10: Yes, I found your handcuffs and a mask.
Me: Yes, I am. I’m a superhero!😏
Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?
I get bi with a little help from my girl friends.
Top 3 screwdrivers:
1. Tool for turning screws
2. Vodka and orange juice
3. Method of Uber payment