This dressing room attendant would be a lot more helpful if she offered to bring me a drink, instead of a different size.
Her: oh my god i’m so wet
Me: have you tried putting it in rice?
You Might Also Like
A Nigerian prince needs my help #BadReasonsForALoan
They say using smaller plates will help you eat less.
It took 3 of them to hold my dinner, not sure how this is helping.
Why are we making such a big deal about the wheels on the bus going round and round? They’re wheels.
*Swirls and sniffs glass
Me: Ah, yes, very nice, this one is bold in its simplicity
Host: Ma’am, that glass is empty
Apparently, saying “grande” in a non-Starbucks coffee shop is like shouting the wrong name during sex.
HER: i’m super close to my dad
ME: *trying to impress* you’re grounded
The struggle is real.
Following the leaking of nude photo’s of Kim Kardashian, her personal assistant has been sacked for the delay.
Never thought I’d have to know a guy who knows a guy to buy toilet paper.