*first day as a hair stylist
“STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THE BLOOD! THAT’S WHY WE PUT THE APRON ON YOU!”
Her: So how did you get this scar?
*flashback to a drunken fight with an Emu
Me *proudly: I got in a drunken fight with an Emu
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Genetics are weird. Like only 1 of the kids got my hair color but all of them got my husband’s inability to fully close a drawer.
my cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it’s giving me serious ideas, folks
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews)
Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfri….
[first day as a hairdresser]
customer: can you take off a foot?
me: *sharpening axe* no problem
Those a-hole guys on “Teen Mom” don’t think being a dad is “cool.” Well check me out #Responsibility never looked so “swag! ” lol
I just bought a beautiful 18th century bowl.
It even has a little sign on the bottom that says dishwasher safe.
My jeans say “no more Christmas goodies” but my leggings are like “we got you, gurrrl”
When your pharmacist actually wants you to die.
Kids: Always remember to brush your drugs and don’t do teeth.