TIMMY: What’s that, girl?
LASSIE (echoing from the bottom of a well): *bark bark bark*
TIMMY: You say you’re aware of the irony of the situation?
HER: so like, what are you into?
HER: no way, me too!
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Any restaurant can be family style if the waiter criticizes your order
Think of how horrible Ray Rice and the NFL had to act in order to make TMZ seem like brave investigative reporters
Society: Just try to fit in.
“I’m an actress”
I watched your web series, and I disagree.
[first day as marriage counselor]
HER: we’re trying to have a baby
ME: ok I’ll step outside
No, I’m not dressing up as something sexy. I’m sexy 364 days of the year. I’m dressing up as the Predator.
If a recipe tells me to drain the fat I stop reading immediately
“Im gonna need you to pee in this cup”
*hands boss full cup*
“Let’s start the interview”
*boss just sips it the whole time*