Him: I’m a big Star Wars nerd.
Me: Oh yeah, name one ewok.
her: this isn’t going to work out
me: [mouthful of mashed potatoes] ith id bu-
her: yes it’s because of the mashed potatoes
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Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you still being hunted for sport?
The classiest Minion is called a Filet Minion please fave and RT
SUN: please dont
SUN: seriously dude come on
EARTH: 🎶spin me right round
SUN: *sigh* 🎶baby right round
EARTH: 🎶like a record baby
SOLAR SYSTEM: 🎶right round round round
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.
My wife said she wants to be treated like gold on her birthday.
Apparently, locking her in the safe wasn’t what she had in mind.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song “The Wheels on the Bus”
My husband hates his new job as my IT guy.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying “the economy” a lot.
Him: SHE SAID YES!!
Me, handing him fries: you really don’t need to scream that for every customer who supersizes their order, Jeffrey.