I was looking at my four year old son, and the love and happiness I felt in that moment was so overwhelming I felt my eyes tearing up. He caught me looking, smiled, put one little hand on my cheek, and said, “Mommy I can see your moustache.”
Her: What do you do?
Me: I drill for oil.
G: That sounds interesting.
M: No, it’s really…
H: Don’t do it, I’ll leave
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An hour of interrogation later and the cat still has not revealed the location of the 4 missing puzzle pieces
“THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
2012: omg please no
2016: are we doing this or not
Literally nothing has had less of an impact towards changing my life than that inspirational quote you posted on social media.
BUZZFEED: Is Internet Clickbait Dumbing Down Society?
Lick your fingers & stick them in a power socket to learn the shocking answer.
If you put a drier sheet in your car’s visor, your car will smell fresh for days
[Looks under visor]
Hey wait a minute this is a slice of ham
My wife changed her relationship status to “irritated”
Cop: Sir, please step out of the car
Me: But you said…
Cop: I said 3 minutes tops & you promised not to touch the siren.
what’s the point of a quarantine if I’m not going to be quarantined with my incredibly beautiful mortal nemesis for days on end until our sexual tension builds and we fall in love but before we have the chance to kiss the quarantine ends and we must go our separate ways