“Hey, will you join us in our street protest?”
I actually love streets
Her: Why did you text me “High Fructose Corn Syrup?”
Me: I think you’re sweet…
Me: …and will eventually kill me.
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Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
BUNNIES: I love hopping!
SNAKE WITH BUNNY EARS ON A POGO STICK: Haha yes, but shouldn’t we get home and check on our delicious babies?
I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn’t like it
Her: I bet you forgot it.
Him: I have a photographic memory.
Him: Sorry, it’s a Polaroid. Is it Becky?
Sorry random child at the playground that my daughter just invited to her birthday party 4 months from now. It’s never going to happen.
I’m going to walk up to strangers and ask “Would you take a photo of me?” If they say yes, I will hand them a photo of me and walk away.
I totally don’t wanna work today but on the off chance that my boss looks at my twitter, I totes DO wanna work.
Ayy girl, are you Ohio? Because we should be Dayton.
Not all relationships revolve around physical passion. Some of us are married.