Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?
her: why is there a duck on your shoulder?
me: he’s my life coach
her: you wanna go to olive garden?
*duck whispers in my ear*
me: that’s a yes
You Might Also Like
There’s no gangsta way to say “Oopsie Daisy.” I know that now.
Use Angie’s List if you want a plumber to come over.
Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Hey girl are you soy sauce because you always “no MSG” me back
*first day as a conductor
*the orchestra is confused
My husband told me I’d better stock up on my wine in case we get quarantined. Maybe he really does still care about me.
honestly this was all i could see so i drew it
“Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today.”
Woman: “EXCUSE ME?!”
[whispers]”Dear Diary, I think she can hear me.”
Apparently I was involved in a class action lawsuit against AT&T. Anyway, I just got a check for $1.33 if anyone wants to party.
How fast “Little pig, little pig, let me in”
turns in to “Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin”