Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It’s just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
Her: You know when you’re craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead…
Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No.
You Might Also Like
If someone asks what you do for a living and you reply “I’m a lunatic” they won’t ask any more questions.
Some days having kids makes it all worthwhile. I haven’t experienced any yet, but statistically they’re bound to happen at some point.
Got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-11 last night. Hope I don’t catch slurpees.
Therapist: How do you feel?
Me: With my hands.
T: Do you deflect a lot?
Me: Only sharp objects. If it’s fluffy, I just let it hit me.
Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.
I never understood why chefs wear white.
I go in the kitchen to get a glass of water and come back with five stains on my shirt.
WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore
GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe
I eat pudding with a fork, so no, crossword puzzles aren’t really my ‘thing’.
My boyfriend is so rude. He hasn’t even introduced himself to me yet.