The computer keyboard was invented before the mouse. It was a precursor.
Her: You’re an insensitive jerk.
Her: You only think about yourself.
Her: And your tweets aren’t funny.
Me: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
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Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put “who rescued who?” stickers on your car… you drive me crazy!
Clearly it’s “who rescued whom?”
Ah ? ha ? ha ? ha ? stayin’ alive, stayin alive ? ? ? ?.
teacher: what do you want to be when you grow up
teacher: [on phone] we need to talk about your son’s unrealistic expectations
Snail detective 1-He left a decent trail
SD2- Let’s track him down
*10 hours later*
SD1-Damn that guy is fast
Coworker: I lost my phone.
CW: I don’t know where it is.
M:*perplexed look* You’re not glued to it like a NORMAL person? Freak!
“Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?”
I paused the movie to tweet this…
*lying in bed*
*drops chip down cleavage*
*thinks, I’m so tired, leave it
*also, mmmmm, breakfast*
Surgeon: *puts mask on my face* count backwards from 10
Me: 10, 9, 8, I’m scared?
Surgeon: *whispers* You should be
Me: Wha *passes out