Wife: What in the hell are you eating?!?!
W: That’s Queso dip!!
M: Cheese soup
Her: You’ve changed.
Chameleon: Jesus, Karen, not this again.
You Might Also Like
I’m not stalking you. I’m getting to know you behind your back.
Say “Literally” and “Legit” a few more times in that sentence so I know it’s literally legit
her: did you dream about me?
me: that depends…are you a member of the Backstreet Boys?
her: umm no
me: then no
My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I’m the only one not invited. Weird.
I would hunt for my own food, but I don’t think Mac and cheese roam in packs.
[on the phone with my mom]
Me: I think we should get a dog. I really think it would be good to have someone to shower with love and affection right now
Husband: I AM SITTING RIGHT HERE
Boss: Are you high?
Me: If I was high could I do this?
*teleports two inches to the right*
Bitten by a radioactive Batman, Batmanman has all the powers and abilities of a Batman.
Colleagues who feel the need to say “You either love me or hate me!” are oblivious to the fact that it’s always the latter.