Today on “Dora the Explorer”, Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can’t explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol.
Here lies Aunt Brenda. Trampled to death on the day after Thanksgiving trying to save $18 on a crock pot. Rest in peace, sweet angel.
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The best part about being single is only having to say “I’m sorry” to the dog.
Anyone with really healthy kidneys interested in a tweet up?
Director: so, you’ll be playing this regular guy…
Johnny Depp: no thanks.
How old do I look?
Aww, you deserve ice crea-
9yo: Just like grandma
-m but too bad you’re not getting any
INTERVIEWER: under skills you’ve listed “gets jokes” ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha
The Illuminati is the belief that the most powerful ppl on Earth are in a conspiracy to leave giant clues that they’re part of a conspiracy.
Snakes are more scared of us than we are of them
[watches snake drive off in my car with my wallet & phone]
I mean, not that one, but most
ME: [watching tv]
FRIEND: You should turn it on tho