I saw a man at the beach yelling “Help, Shark! Help!
I just laughed, i knew that Shark wasn’t going to help him.
He’s going to change just for you?
Wow, you must be a very special kind of stupid
You Might Also Like
me: “what is a librarian’s favourite food?”
me: “SHUSHI lmao”
dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]
Mailman: whatcha doing
Me: I’m going fishing for my neighbor Larry
Mailman: you mean WITH your neighbor
Me [casting a sausage link into Larry’s mail slot]: he likes chorizo the most
Me: *about to get kidnapped* What kind of puppy?
I believe in you. But I also believe in aliens, big foot, and werewolves so don’t get too excited.
Cool thing about this wind storm is I now own 18 new trash cans..
Interviewer: Any questions?
Me: On the sitcom Friends, how come the only couch at the coffee shop was always available for them?
Why is there a wolf on Wall Street. Animals are bad with money. My cat just lost $80 at high-stakes uno
Noah, surrounded by a million pieces & trying to make sense of his IKEA Arke pictogram instructions, feels the first drop of rain.
BUMPER STICKER IDEA: I had sex with my wife and all I got was this honor student.