I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you’d better do what I meant and not what I said.
“He’s gone too far.”
“He crossed the line between science & ethics.”
“He’s playing God.”
-reaction to the amount of cheese I put in omelets
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There’s 3 parents in my kids lives and each of us does our best to raise them as best as we can.
My husband is great with playing games with them.
I’m good at taking them outside to play.
And Stevie the TV babysits them the rest of the day.
I don’t always whoop.
But when i do.. there it is
If you bought more toilet paper than you need legally I’m allowed to come poop at your house
I’m inventing a swaddle blanket for like 5 year olds. It’s basically a straight jacket, but with a friendly name like “The Tantrum Hug.”
Me: [doing crossword] 41 band; three letters.
Me: human parts; four letters.
Me: upon a time; four letters.
Me: to pay; four letters.
Me: 90’s slang; three letters.
Me: refer to myself; two letters.
News: Don’t panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don’t panic though.
Barista: Can I get a name?
Barista: I’ve got a caramel macchiato for Free
*fights break out as I smile from the corner*
“Just how serious are you about keeping me as a customer?”
*slides hand across table to take a second promotional pen