I finished 3 books today, and believe me, that’s a lot of coloring…
Hey, are you a broadleaved deciduous hardwood tree?
BIRCH I MIGHT BE
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Dogs are “practice babies” and cats are “practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with.”
me: I think my hippo might be dying
vet: sir, that’s a really really fat horse
me: BECAUSE IT ATE MY HIPPO
[guy who named the bedroom gets home]
Honey? Our son got in trouble at the learnroom. His teacher called while I was driving in my wheelsbox
Every time you think Florida can’t top itself. BAM!
Hey girl, you smell like you’re going to give me the wrong number.
I saved 15 per
cent on my insurance by
switching to haiku.
funeral catering business:
your loss, our gain
One drink, I feel glamorous
Two, I get amorous
Three, a bit stammerous
Anymore than four, I’m on the floor,
all drooly and hammerous
People say you’re judged by the company you keep. Luckily, I don’t keep any company.