Looks like someone’s been slipping steroids into Garfield’s lasagna again.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don’t even call back people I know.
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LAZINESS LEVEL: PRO!
[Calls an ex]
Me: Remember how you lied about everything
Ex: Why are you doing this
Me: It’s Throwback Thursday
Pour some sugar on me. More. Keep going. Okay, now bricks.
BOWSER: Yo man, remember that time I kidnapped your girlfriend and sent like 2000 of my goons to try and kill you? Then you broke into my house and dumped me in the lava?
BOWSER: Haha OK cool, you want to ride go karts later?
MARIO: I sure do!
In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant & filled with darkness.
One day, the fridge will take revenge on me, every half hour opening the door to my room, staring at me for a few minutes & then walk away.
*ref throws flag*
Ref: *zebra noises*
Zebra at home: *nodding* Good call good call
Damn my stomach is making really weird noises…I’m gonna go ahead and send a donut down there to check things out.
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.