hey boy 😉 is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register

You Might Also Like


My boyfriend wanted a serious relationship so we stopped smiling at each other.


Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say “What’s up, Chad?” & he’ll be all “Whoa… How’d you know my name, bro?”


No time to explain, I need 300 copies of this cat!

*throws cat at Kinko’s employee


If you pull a lizard’s tail off, it will grow back. If you pull it off again, the lizard will be like “dude.”


My one night stand is pissed because I broke the other one.


DOCTOR: congratulations, it’s a boy! *holds up baby tricycle*
BICYCLE DAD: what the hell?
BICYCLE MOM: *crying*


Dear food bloggers, I am not interested in your journey toward chocolate pudding I JUST WANT THE GODDAMN RECIPE


GIRLS: if your boyfriend lives in a jar with a few pieces of grass, a leaf and a little twig. Congrats, you’re dating a bug.


[Thanksgiving dinner]
WIFE: These potatoes are burnt to a crisp
ME: Those are for tomorrow
WIFE: Because…tomorrow is Bla-
ME: Black Fry Day