Limp Bizkit: keep rollin rollin rollin rollin
Humpty Dumpty: [falling off wall] I feel so attacked
“Hey buddy, what’s up?!!” — short honk
“I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE” — long honk
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Your pronunciation of the word surreal is why I have trust issues.
*puts away bowl and spoon
Someone’s just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only received super fish oil injuries, but still.
Every MCU villain’s character arc
Villain: *makes reasonable political demand*
(5 minutes later)
Villain: execute the civilians
I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn’t like it, but I found the plinth charming.
My cooking show would just be an hour of me looking for Tupperware lids.
I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT ANYTHING. YOU ARE EVIL. I don’t want to go in the swing!! NOOOOooooo…. okay. yeah. This works. I’ll hang here. – Baby
“Are you fine being hugged while you pee?” is a question someone should’ve asked me before I had kids.
I hate corporate lingo. Stuff like “core competency” or “design out the problem” or “I’m gonna need you to go ahead and do some work today”
Remember when we didn’t let Meg Ryan stand up straight for an entire decade?