Hey check out this new candle I got.
-Sweet. What flavor is it?
I think you mean ‘what scent is it?’
*with a mouthful of candle wax*

You Might Also Like


Do cute firemen still come when a cat is stuck in a tree?

Only in case of fire?

Fine. But pretty sure my cat won’t like being set on fire.


Me: I’m going to poop

Dog: Great I’m coming with you


Partner: Did you pick up that decoractive mini cactus collection like I asked you to? It will look great on the windowsill.

Me: Ohhhhhh CACTI

Partner: Yeah? Why what did you think I said?

*cat wanders past in a mini tie*

Me: …Not important.


me: I should probably wait to work out, I just ate

gym tour guide: how did you find the breakroom so fast


Barber: How do you want it?

Me [gets the same haircut every time]: UUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Is anyone else worried that software engineers with no people skills are teaching our future robots people skills


*turns on shower*
*shower whispers “eat donuts for breakfast” & “get drunk tonight”*
Me: Wow, that’s some serious water pressure


Some guy just asked if I was Asian cuz he’s China get in my pants. Hope your day is as magical as mine.