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Adored by women
Sex machine
Owns dragon
Twitter famous


Unfollowed by cat magazine.


Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.


Yesterday CNN reported that “sitting will kill you, even if you exercise” and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you.


Friends don’t let friends drive drunk but I don’t want them staying at my house

And that’s why Uber was created


I’m ashamed how many times Google’s had to correct my spelling. Yes Google, I meant Shih Tzu not shits zoo.


Apparently, women only enjoy a nice romantic breakfast in bed when they know how you got in their house.