INMATE: “What are you in for?”
ME: “A real treat, I hope.”
Hey geese crossing the road, u can fly.
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Me: What did you mean the other day when you said I have bad timing?
FRIEND: did you hear about the Salvation Army volunteer who is on strike?
ME: doesn’t ring a bell
Real House Wines.
Why do they say “break a leg !” to actors ?
If you said “tear an ACL !” to a star athlete,
you’d be shot on the spot.
If you have twin girls and don’t dress them like in “The Shining” and make them stand in hallways, you’ve squandered a precious gift.
I’ll race you to the bedroom, winner gets to pick the hole.
Wish the trash would take me out for once.
My son LOVES dogs and is TERRIFIED of them. Which is EXACTLY how I feel about my WIFE.