@Sickayduh: Hey girl are you a Sony Pictures movie because I wanna [end of joke redacted due to foreign pressure]
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@liv_thatsme: (My wedding day) Grandma: You remind me so much of your father Me: Wow, thanks that means a lot G: Your father was a disappointment also
@cluedont: BBC: 'Much of Scotland's coastline still being battered.' They will literally deep fry anything.
@deardilettante: The only good thing about people who wear too much cologne is that they're easier to set on fire.