Sex is great, yes but have you ever had water come out of your ear after it stayed there two days after swimming? OMG
Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don’t like any of the current presidential candidates
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Bedible: Any kind of food you can successfully eat in bed without excess crummage or drippage
I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside.
Did the dinosaurs on the Flintstones know that they could eat the people instead of working for them?
Duct tape can’t fix stupidity, but it can muffle it.
My first workout back at the gym was great… I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
Just to be clear, when I came over to your house I had no intention of fighting your cat.
Always strange when the wolves decide to raise you rather than to eat you.
Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out… NO DON’T COME IN HERE
I like to make things awkward on first dates just by shouting “wrong hole!!” at inappropriate times, like when you’re eating.