I wonder what people with house phones posted on MySpace today?
hey i just met you
and this is crazy
but i’m your mom now
you small weak baby
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Me: SORRY I HAVE TO HANG UP I’M HEADING INTO A TUNNEL
* hangs up land-line *
I just wish I had someone who wanted to touch me as much as my shower curtain does.
I don’t think it’s rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today’s newspaper.
Writes “I love you” inside.
Mails card to self.
Receives card in mail.
“Eww, why do I attract losers?”
[At astronomy convention]
For the last time, Bob. No one wants to see Uranus.
Me: so what do you do
Her: I’m a stay at home mom
Me: *leans in close* then what are you doing outside of that house
Do lady dolphins ever get tattoos of 19-yr-old community college students?
judge: we’re burning you alive for being a w-
her: a witch?
judge: i was gonna say woman but holy shit that’s a good excuse
Dating tip: don’t mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin.