@Lisa_Laughs_: Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I'll look even worse.
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@pauleggleston: I just cross-bred a crocodile and a homing pigeon. I expect that'll come back to bite me.
@kristendrum: the cashier at Petsmart just told me I smell really good which would be a compliment if my competition wasn't a bunch of dogs and gerbils
@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver. Yes, "Bring weed, bro"
@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials