Beauty and the Beast (1991): A woman develops Stockholm Syndrome, emotionally bonding with her captor at castle furnished with singing decor
Hey, I’m human. If you cut me do I not bleed? If you cut me a slice of pizza do I not eat?
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I touch myself when I think of you.
It’s not what you’re thinking, I’m mostly scratching my head wondering what I saw in you.
*consoling friend who is a baker*
I’m really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now.
I drink a glass of red wine a day for health benefits.
The other 7 glasses are just for me.
My workout schedule:
1. Run half mile
2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights
3. 35 year break
4. Protein shake
I run faster when I hear country music than sirens.
Dog: *turning in circles before she lays down*
Me: [extreme Ross voice] Pivot… Pi-VOT… PIVOT!
Your call is important to us, we’ll interrupt calming music every 30secs for the next 20mins to remind you that your call is important to us
Sucks when good bands have dumb names.
“What are you listening to?”
“It’s Made Out of Babies, they’re really great.”
Dating tip: find a guy with a compatible charger.