What is everyone writing songs about?
George: true love
Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus
Hey is it just me or is there another two-letter pronoun used to refer to oneself as the object of a verb or preposition?
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Glade bathroom spray- because everyone loves the smell of someone crapping on a rose bush.
3yo: I hate vegetables!
Me: you know fries are made from a vegetable, right?
3yo: oh, ok, I love fries!
Me: great, here’s your ᶜᵃʳʳᵒᵗ ‘fries’
The way I see it, the only thing my daughter’s little “boyfriend” needs to know about me is I ain’t afraid to go back to prison.
*texts you back 2 years later…
Lol not much how about you
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
*Pops up from the backseat as you’re driving*
*Duct tapes your neck to the head rest*
Now, why are you telling people I’m crazy?!!
wife: I’m gonna go change. Find us a movie, ok? *winks*
*wife comes out in lingerie*
wife: What’d you pick?
me: Space Jam
Hubs: You’re home all day, why isn’t the house clean?
Me: You’re at work all day, why aren’t we rich?
*6 hours of Russian roulette*
Me: “I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun.”