“You’ve put on weight”:
– Causes sadness
– Sadness leads to overeating
“Your Thiccness Rank™ went up”:
– Seems flattering
– Who doesn’t like some curves
– Wait, like military rank?
– Captain Clapcheeks at your service
Hey ladies, if you want a free pelvic exam, I suggest you try the old “gyne and dash.”
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Sorry I scratched your car with my rough winter elbow.
Wait – so Nutella isn’t Cinderella’s crazy sister?!
me: on second thoughts, hold the mayo
accidentally added a “z” to the end of the word “think” in a text and suddenly my jeans are sagging below my ass and i have 3 chains on
pronouncing milk crates the same way i would socrates
It’s with great sadness that I must say goodbye to you all!
My boyfriend and I argued over how much time I spend on here. He said I must choose between y’all or him. So, I’m gonna be offline for a couple minutes while I help him pack & call him an Uber … I’ll be right back
ME: I wish I was a little bit taller
M: I wish I was a baller
M: I wish I knew the rest of the lyrics
Started a pillow fight with my boyfriend, but I forgot that’s where I hide my Oreos.
“Poor” is an odd word because when you put it in front of “people” it’s sad but when you put it in front of “bladder control” it’s hilarious