@GrantTanaka: HEY OFFICER, STOP SCREAMING AT ME TO PULL OVER, I'M DRUNK NOT DEAF
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@EJGomez: we tend to look past the fact the happy birthday song was probably written by someone who forgot a gift & came up with that song on the spot
@Tmoney68: Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money's on LACK of intelligence.
@amydillon: "Adults are lame. After they have kids, they never do anything exciting." -my son, blaming the victims
@JElvisWeinstein: "It's a competition, I didn't come here to make friends." -- Jerry, the 1st contestant eliminated on this season's "Friendmakers".