Pretty disappointed to find out that “Toys for Tots” isn’t a program where I trade my kids’s toys for delicious tater tots.
Hey Paul Ryan, why don’t you save some first names for the rest of us.
You Might Also Like
Nice try, cheese graters, cheese is already great.
What’s the rule for Twitter crushes? So far I’m in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.
Take your glasses off. Hold them up to a light to see if they’re dirty. Now try to do it with your mouth closed.
lancelot: we have to work together arthur
lancelot: yes I am
[commercial for salad]
Do you want to feel sad when you eat?
I think this lady I’m stalking just found out. She changed her wifi name to:
“Hey you in the tree. I’ve called the cops.”
My girlfriend is:
– super sweet
– light as a feather
– melts in my mouth when I eat her
– always at a circus
– possibly cotton candy
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there’d be one less blogger.
Doctor: “I need to draw some blood.”
Doctor: “Do you have a red crayon I could borrow?”