@SmurfetteDE

Hey people – learn to spell!!!

I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk.

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@junejuly12

Totally stoked to find some chicken in my chicken noodle soup

@IndecisiveJones

me: hear me out, you know how everybody LOVES prince, well what if there were two of him?

spin doctors: that’s genius

@fluffysuse

There are three types of people:

1. Annoying people
2. Annoying people I am sleeping with
3. People I haven’t met

@ddsmidt

Thanksgiving is nothing like Halloween.

You can turn your lights off, it doesn’t even phase them, they still come to your door.

@samdunsiger

If courage is buying an entire tub of ice cream and immediately throwing out the lid, then yes I am definitely brave.

@Ideal_Victoria

Don’t just lay there… Move! Bounce! Do something!!

~ me, pleading with my hair

@mjkspeaks

I never text and drive bc that would imply that I actually go places.