Hey people – learn to spell!!!

I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk.

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Totally stoked to find some chicken in my chicken noodle soup


me: hear me out, you know how everybody LOVES prince, well what if there were two of him?

spin doctors: that’s genius


There are three types of people:

1. Annoying people
2. Annoying people I am sleeping with
3. People I haven’t met


Thanksgiving is nothing like Halloween.

You can turn your lights off, it doesn’t even phase them, they still come to your door.


If courage is buying an entire tub of ice cream and immediately throwing out the lid, then yes I am definitely brave.


Don’t just lay there… Move! Bounce! Do something!!

~ me, pleading with my hair


I never text and drive bc that would imply that I actually go places.